Let's Talk Confidence

For anyone who knows me personally, this upcoming admission may not be a shocker: I am not always the most confident in myself and my abilities. I used to attribute this to my anxiety; maybe I just talked myself down and overthought my actions because my brain was wired that way. Maybe I just had to be stuck like that for my whole life.

While I don't want to diminish what anxiety can do to your mindset (trust me, I know), lately I have been working towards feeling better about myself because I've made a conscious choice to work toward confidence.

I'm going to be honest: it hasn't been easy. There are still times when I talk down to myself or berate myself for something I can't control. But I'm more aware of when I do this, and I can catch myself and make sure to say something positive to counter any negative thoughts.

A lot of my lack of confidence stems from how I feel about my body. Something that has always bothered me is that people still compliment how I look, and yet, I found it impossible to accept those compliments because I just couldn't see what they saw whenever I looked in the mirror. I wanted to believe that my friends weren't lying to me about the things they said, but no matter how much time I spent staring at myself in the mirror, nothing was ever there for me to see.

I don't know why I became like this, but I can't dwell on the past and try to figure out something that I'll probably never have a good answer for. The only way to go is forward, and I'm starting by taking small steps (like the old saying goes, "the journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step"). For me, this has included journaling every day, starting up a yoga practice, and telling myself something positive each morning when I look in the mirror.

I've stumbled along the way: sometimes I forget to journal or my day is just too busy to sit down for fifteen minutes to write out all my thoughts; sometimes I'm just too tired to get up and do some yoga. But I'm getting better every day, and, even though it sometimes feels like I'm stuck in the same spot as I was months ago, if I look back I can see how much better I'm already feeling. It's easier to smile and to appreciate how I look on days I dress up. It's easier to feel content with myself and where I am in life.

If there's anything I hope you learn from reading this little blog post within the large world that is the Internet, it's that feeling good about yourself is possible, even though it's not easy. But the struggle of it all is what makes it worth it when you look back and see where you've come from.

xoxo,

Rachel